When is it time to tap out of your miserable relationship (courtship)?

Today a lot has crossed my mind and this was one of the topics.So many factors fall into a poorly assembled/built relationship. The base/foundation is the KEY to a successful, loving, and nurturing relationship. When you get into constant arguments, the bliss quickly fades. It takes two to argue, granted. But what are these arguments over? When people argue, depending on level of maturity, there's always either a compromise, an apology of some sort, or nothing at all and things are just left as a "whatever" situation.
When's the proper time to peel away the pride?
I'm talking about that person is messing up to the point where it completely ends and the other person realizes what was taken for granted. By then it's too late, no?
I mean, if that person messes up badly or offends you in some kind of way, you expect an apology. Call it pride, call it stubborness... but at the end of the day you stop talking to that person, not because you stop loving them but because the lack of respect and show of love towards you is gone, and you refuse to speak until you see remorse. You wait and never receive that apology... so it begins that you never talk. When is too long, though? When should you initiate a conversation? Should you even initiate conversation at all? If there's no genuine care to apologize should your disposition be to let go and move on? Is going tit for tat (equivalent retaliation) a remedy? Cause that person doesn't apologize or talk to you then, you won't talk to them either.

At some point in this slowly decaying relationship make a mental list. The good and bad of it all. Does the bad outweigh the good? In that case, you need to reach a decision of loving somebody but learning to let go of them for the improvement of the quality of both your lives. At what point is it all too much? If you ask me if should you cut off that part of your life I would say yes.

Think of it as a limb that got a cut way back when. You thought the cut healed but in reality it never did. Slowly that cut will start to bother you but it's intermittent pain so you never notice the severity of it. The issue has gone on so ignored for so long, you've developed gangrene. Guess what you gotta do? CUT THE LIMB OFF. Why? To prevent that one infected limb from endangering the rest of you. Well, a diseased relationship with constant issues and arguments is the same. Here and there you may have big pangs of arguments and emotional pain but you ignore it. You either never resolve them properly or one of you just doesn't care anymore. However, over time you become emotionally vulnerable to constant pain. Not worth keeping it around to affect you more in the long run and completely consume you. You'll never have a healthy relationship in the future if you allow it to get to that point.

That's the reality folks. Fairy tales are only existent in movies and children books. Love covers a multitude of things but love DOES actually have a limit. No such thing as a perfect relationship, I can tell you that, agree to it, put it in writing. And yes, you should indeed expect the worse and hope for the best because as all imperfect humans we WILL fall short. But CONSTANT fighting and negative energy is UNNECESSARY in a relationship. And if you expect to be in it for the long haul, I see you making some drastic changes soon before you end up hating each other.

This quote: “problems are usually caused by faulty interactions that have gone on for so long that the root cause for the problems are unknown to the couple” I read and instantly agreed with it. We don't interact 100% with our significant other after a wihle. So what happens is we start off great and it all fades within the first year of a new relationship.

I know you try your best at first. Put your best perfume/cologne on, new clothes, get a cut every 3 days almost, women get “ya hurr did”, some shed weight, etc. ALL to impress the one you like. After 6 months, maybe a year when it's all said and done should this fade? How about the EXTRA effort you put in to care about the one you care about? Should the intensity fade too once you've achieved the ultimate goal of making that person your significant other? When that constant support bean eases off and lets go it causes a strain that we weren't used to anymore. Not saying we become spineless after a period of time, but... some of you become pretty damn spineless. And I mean that in the sense that you're so used to having that other person be there for you, caring, loving, and coddling you that you forget what it feels like not having that. So when the person settles in and knows you're in it for the long haul, they got you... time to grow the beer bellies, hair cuts once a MONTH, showers every other day, BUM status way of life. Why? Cause you love them they love you and their worst has become their best and vice versa. I mean, even with the “Archie Bunker” in our lives does the emotional support have to become a bum, also?
Earlier I read this and immediately related it to this article.
“Relationships might last longer if people continued doing the things they did to get the person in the first place”.
If ever there was a dollar for EVERY time I thought of this in recent years. So what's lacking? What leaves or gets pushed aside? I'll list them for ya...
Lack of:
GOD - His Word allows ANYONE to become better individuals for themselves and others around them.
Communication - Without it you're stuck like Chuck. If you can't keep a line of communication between you and the person you're with, I don't see your relationship lasting all too long.
Understanding - If you  don't have any... find some and fast.
Trust/Loyalty - "Not having trust in a relationship is like a phone with no service. All you can do is play GAMES"
Compromise - Don't meet someone halfway? Then you'll be looking at negative yards on the field, buddy.
Willingness to change flaws - Goes hand in hand with the one above. Change to better yourself and make life more enjoyable to those in your life.
Breathing room - STOP SMOTHERING.

What is in excess?

Jealousy - Everyone is jealous with the ones they like/love. But too much is ANNOYING. Knock it off.
Assumptions - Someone did you wrong before so now you assume everyone else is the same. STOP IT.
FALSE ADVERTISING (pretending to be something you're not just to bait them and hook em, then do a complete 180 once you're comfortable showing your true colors)
Face it, if things aren't mend-able or if either of BOTH parties aren't willing to cooperate, then perhaps it's time to “tap out” of the relationship. Check out mentally, emotionally, physically (if you haven't already done so) and do some soul searching. We're all imperfect and we ALL have ugly traits that can use a figurative face-lift. So before entering another relationship, fix yourself first, THEN can you go tell the next person what THEY need to improve on to make you happy.

With that said, I ask you... is it worth staying with someone that you love yet makes you miserable? Or should you learn to let go for the benefit of your sanity and future lives to be emotionally stable individuals?


Food for thought.

Interracial dating... what of it?

What really distinguishes a beautiful couple from the next? When both skin hues are the same? What makes that couple more successful in love than the other one? That they're both from one specific race?
The racial concept of segregating wasn't just for bathrooms and schools. Nor was it for buses and water fountains. As a matter of fact, in the late 17^th century, the anti-miscegenation law was established to ensure that Whites and non-Whites (mostly just Blacks but amongst others were Asians and Native Americans) never mix.

A direct violation of the 14^th amendment and completely unconstitutional, right?

Well, 13 colonies thought otherwise. And although after WWII many tried to abolish these laws, it took time and a lot of states kept their racial partiality. We all know, even now a days the KKK and good ol' southern confederate flag owners are spawns of such.

I love the word miscegenation. The literal translation from Greek means to “mix races”. And you want to know what's funny? NOBODY walking this earth is a thorough-breed. Want to know why? Because at one point in time, every single person walking this earth had ancestors that settled ELSEWHERE in the world. And once that happened, there were races mixing from all kinds of countries. Whether it be Spaniards with those in the Middle East, England, Africa, etc. Or the English with Spaniards, Africans, and Native Americans. And vice versa.

Even more entertaining, are the ones whom CLEARLY are racially mixed themselves and still frown upon interracial marriages/relationships. I mean, there are BLACK Dominicans that swear they're as White as the paper you and I write on whom act as if they have not an ounce of African blood in them. Same goes for 80% of the Latin Caribbean countries. But the racial loathing doesn't stop there. The West Indies has their racism as well as Haiti. All of them being countries that were colonized by the Spaniards or English, yes... but also those same colonists although professing to hate a specific color, had relations with African slaves and gave birth to guess what ladies and gentlemen? What's known now to be “mixed” or “mulatto” came to exist. And you know what I can say about that? It was the BEST thing that ever happened. Because some of the most gorgeous people are the ones that are 100% biracial. (Not that a specific race doesn't have their good looking individuals, I'm just sayin').

Does that mean that there's something wrong with one dating their race or skin type? Absolutely not. You can date/marry whomever you want. The issue isn't that. The issue is when one person looks down or places someone on a lower esteem just because of the color of skin that persons significant other has. Since when has society come so far in the advancement of medicine, technology, engineering... yet so quick to set ourselves back to the 1900s of racial segregation and disdain?

We live in a society where Black women get mad at Whites or Latinas for “stealing THEIR men” (because apparently people still own slaves themselves?) Or Whites and Latins getting upset over another race “taking THEIR women”. Really?!

Let me enlighten you... The color of skin which you, you and I all have is ONLY skin deep. There is absolutely NO medical difference in the average White person that there is in the average Black/Hispanic/Native American/Middle Eastern person. We all have 206 bones, we all breathe oxygen, none of us are invincible, and we all bleed red.

But even if that doesn't help you out I'll explain a few hypothetical scenarios.

One White woman. 2 men.
One of which is also White, has a poor paying job, lacks motivation in life, and loses his temper often.
The other man: non-White, entrepreneur with a self-owned business, driven, outs God first in life, and embraces the fruitage of the spirit quite well.

Which one is a better match?

Blatantly, any person with some common sense would agree that the second man portrayed in the scenario would be the best match for the woman. A providing man, clearly mature enough to own a business, is spiritual and hard working.

Unfortunately, most people will stop at “non-white” and not go a step further. So, forget if the White guy beats his wife, or the Latin girl can't hold a job and stays in debt, or the Black guy doesn't provide for himself and his family. In all races there are those that don't do anything for themselves and there are those that overachieve. Unanimously, though, in all of them there is still racism. And God forbid you ever try to leave the ancient comfort zone of what's “right” to look for something better suited for you.

Many of you reading this, don't even consider yourselves racist. But then again, a lot of times you never hear half the ignorant stuff you say subconsciously without even noticing it's a direct jab at a specific race. No matter how many friends of said race you have. If you're married to someone of said race, etc. I Don't CARE. A racial slur is a racial slur. Even by playing around you're fueling the already wildfire-like situation.

All in all, society needs to back up off the interracial dating situation. This world has far too many other LARGER issues than to worry about different skin hues holding hands. Chances are, they only hate cause their relationships aren't as successful.


Oh well.