You know, it happens to all of us. We begin a friendship with someone, try developing a more intricate relationship and sooner than later it all falls apart. But, why?
There are 3 major necessities that need to be fulfilled and WORKED AT everyday when building a successful relationship that MOST of the time the average individual barely focuses on, hence the failure after failure effect. These three are: Communication. Trust. Understanding.
Look, if you fail to have any of these things as a starting foundation your relationship WILL, without questions or doubts, fail. It's the way things work in life.
If you don't communicate, you're never going to be on the same page. Not mentally and not emotionally. If you don't communicate your thoughts you can't possibly know what the other person wants or feels. These are NECESSARY inputs when caring for a relationship. Whether its a new or old relationship, fact is, it's still a relationship.
If you don't communicate then, there's lack of trust because you have yet to open up about anything. When you trust another individual you have the confidence to tell them anything. Now, having trust doesn't mean you EXPECT to be trusted but that YOU trust the other person. Touchy subject because, trust is earned. But when you see it fit to develop and work on a relationship, chances are there's already a certain level of trust there. With lack of such, a livable relationship is practically non-existent.
If there's no trust and no communication, then, there is no mutual understanding. You don't get them and they don't get you cause, well... let's put this candidly, there's NOTHING TO GET. When you understand someone, you can sense the underlying motives without having to actually see it or without jumping to conclusions. You can look beyond the superficial and relate to the reality of it all.
With that said, let us look at things that help build the foundation to the relationships we're trying to achieve, shall we?
Creating a relationship with others (be it romantic or not) starts with ourselves. A good relationship with our inner being and then, from that, extending it to others. Staying true to oneself and always committing to ones self-promises or goals shows the ability to commit to others. Psychologically, when we can make the effort to have a healthy relationship with our conscious and ourselves day to day we have a better chance at successful relationships with other individuals. Creating an authentic relationship with ourselves also proves to be a great foundation for an overall happier lifestyle.
When we approach others, or even when dealing with ourselves, what are our intentions? Are they positive? Or are they mechanical. Are our intentions on some kind of “cruise control” to which we don't really know the underlying cause of befriending others or starting relationships. Evaluating our intentions and purpose as to why we do things in regards to interpersonal relationships with those whom we surround ourselves with is important.
When you allow yourself positive intent in regards to a relationship keep in mind that once those two are accomplished the most important factor is YOUR decision to stay. This is the work that seldom is put into the equation. Once people establish a “relationship” their intentions are lingering but your thoughts are scattered. There is no real focus or plan of action. When staying in a relationship, there are still TWO individuals. Two points of view. Two DIFFERENT lives. Staying in a relationship means your focus is not only to make things work for them but to keep DOING YOU.
Also, when you're in a relationship, things must be allowed. When we are creating a sound relationship with ourselves, be honest with YOU. Likewise, we need to not only allow honesty from us to others, but allow the truth to be spoken freely from others to us. Openness is very important when it comes to a healthy and successful relationship and confrontation goes only as far as you want it to. Thus, allowing honesty in a relationship is only healthy if you're willing to a) see it as valuable and as truthful as the person relaying it to you and b) allowing truth to be freely spoken. Either one does not mean you're giving in to the other persons view but simply acknowledging the reasoning behind it. From there, you take the pros/cons and act upon a situation accordingly.
Another factor is ones set of values. Values come into play when creating the appropriate foundation for a relationship. They are the way we structure our life and how it is directed. Not everyone hold the same standards, morals, and/or values in their life so if you're trying to be in the relationship for the long haul, I suggest you reassess the whole thing and be honest with yourself as well as the other person about it. Truth is, a persons belief plays a role in their life like no other. When two people believe in different things, it causes an unnecessary strain that doesn't HAVE to be there. There are a few exceptions, yes. But for the most part it's un-leveled.
To wrap this up I want to make a few things clear. There is a difference in a relationship between infatuation, in-like, and in-love. If you're doing it right, it's in THAT SPECIFIC ORDER. Let's be honest, people. Nobody looks at an ugly individual and thinks “hmm I wonder how amazing their personality is”. Doesn't work that way because as imperfect humans, our motivation is through what our eyes perceive and for the most part (as shallow as this may seem) we tend to look at those dapper ones. BUT, 75.87% of the so-called “good looking” ones are either stupid, extremely superficial, d-bags, aren't going anywhere in life (aka not driven), immature, and/or have the IQ of a lima bean (stupid). CHOOSE WISELY. And when you choose, make it count. The whole “there are plenty of fish in the sea” crap makes a lot of peoples subconscious believe it's ok to date 'em and drop 'em as they please. I mean, after the age of 16 or so that game should've been put on the shelf and NOT intended for later use. So my point is, GROW UP, be realistic with what you're looking for, when you find it make it work to the best of your abilities, and slow it down... DON'T rush into a relationship.
Everyone can make a few changes so with that being said I leave you with my favorite attachment to anything in life... a quote.
“There is no health, no growth, and no
aliveness from a place where change is not an option.”
