Have you ever been told news so shocking, you feel as if life has paused? Your body reacts like it's about to shut down. Your heart, it pumps ever so slowly, you hear the pulse rate dropping faintly in your muffled ears, and your entire body feels an immense gravitational pull towards the ground beneath your feet. Your legs and knees can't take the pressure, you feel the urge to sit down due to an innate fear of collapsing. A knot forms in your throat and your eyes water but seem to be the only thing defying gravity.
You begin to ask yourself repeatedly in various ways "can this be happening?" "is this for real?" You simply feel hopeless. Out in the dark, pounding ocean with no life-line. No light to find your way. Just lost in a grand, vast space with absolutely no answers or direction.
You're overwhelmed and distraught. The more you compensate by letting go and being positive, comes back the negative with a stronger grasp. It holds on and replays itself in your mind. It consumes your every thought.
Then, you realize "God, it shows!" Breaking through the inner war is the outer expressions. Now you feel compelled to force these emotions far beneath the surface. Submerge them into a solemn corner of the mind and hide one's over-powering reaction to express these feelings of unexplained guilt, depression, and sadness.
You struggle. A never ending battle of the mind. You only wish to let free the large portion that consumes and penetrates your every positive thought. HOW?!
You lay awake at night, restless. Every single time you attempt closing your eyes, images good and bad flash like a projected movie that displays in small concise portions of similar scenarios. It's branded in your mind and memories. This battle continues to grow; spreading it's poison to the deepest parts of your soul. Your heart has no more emotion. It is sad, but can no longer cry. It's happiness has been erased. It's anger is aroused only to create the sadness once again. A vicious cycle that one tries to escape, but finds themselves in exhaustion and realizes there is no such energy to do so.
