When is it time to tap out of your miserable relationship (courtship)?

Today a lot has crossed my mind and this was one of the topics.So many factors fall into a poorly assembled/built relationship. The base/foundation is the KEY to a successful, loving, and nurturing relationship. When you get into constant arguments, the bliss quickly fades. It takes two to argue, granted. But what are these arguments over? When people argue, depending on level of maturity, there's always either a compromise, an apology of some sort, or nothing at all and things are just left as a "whatever" situation.
When's the proper time to peel away the pride?
I'm talking about that person is messing up to the point where it completely ends and the other person realizes what was taken for granted. By then it's too late, no?
I mean, if that person messes up badly or offends you in some kind of way, you expect an apology. Call it pride, call it stubborness... but at the end of the day you stop talking to that person, not because you stop loving them but because the lack of respect and show of love towards you is gone, and you refuse to speak until you see remorse. You wait and never receive that apology... so it begins that you never talk. When is too long, though? When should you initiate a conversation? Should you even initiate conversation at all? If there's no genuine care to apologize should your disposition be to let go and move on? Is going tit for tat (equivalent retaliation) a remedy? Cause that person doesn't apologize or talk to you then, you won't talk to them either.

At some point in this slowly decaying relationship make a mental list. The good and bad of it all. Does the bad outweigh the good? In that case, you need to reach a decision of loving somebody but learning to let go of them for the improvement of the quality of both your lives. At what point is it all too much? If you ask me if should you cut off that part of your life I would say yes.

Think of it as a limb that got a cut way back when. You thought the cut healed but in reality it never did. Slowly that cut will start to bother you but it's intermittent pain so you never notice the severity of it. The issue has gone on so ignored for so long, you've developed gangrene. Guess what you gotta do? CUT THE LIMB OFF. Why? To prevent that one infected limb from endangering the rest of you. Well, a diseased relationship with constant issues and arguments is the same. Here and there you may have big pangs of arguments and emotional pain but you ignore it. You either never resolve them properly or one of you just doesn't care anymore. However, over time you become emotionally vulnerable to constant pain. Not worth keeping it around to affect you more in the long run and completely consume you. You'll never have a healthy relationship in the future if you allow it to get to that point.

That's the reality folks. Fairy tales are only existent in movies and children books. Love covers a multitude of things but love DOES actually have a limit. No such thing as a perfect relationship, I can tell you that, agree to it, put it in writing. And yes, you should indeed expect the worse and hope for the best because as all imperfect humans we WILL fall short. But CONSTANT fighting and negative energy is UNNECESSARY in a relationship. And if you expect to be in it for the long haul, I see you making some drastic changes soon before you end up hating each other.

This quote: “problems are usually caused by faulty interactions that have gone on for so long that the root cause for the problems are unknown to the couple” I read and instantly agreed with it. We don't interact 100% with our significant other after a wihle. So what happens is we start off great and it all fades within the first year of a new relationship.

I know you try your best at first. Put your best perfume/cologne on, new clothes, get a cut every 3 days almost, women get “ya hurr did”, some shed weight, etc. ALL to impress the one you like. After 6 months, maybe a year when it's all said and done should this fade? How about the EXTRA effort you put in to care about the one you care about? Should the intensity fade too once you've achieved the ultimate goal of making that person your significant other? When that constant support bean eases off and lets go it causes a strain that we weren't used to anymore. Not saying we become spineless after a period of time, but... some of you become pretty damn spineless. And I mean that in the sense that you're so used to having that other person be there for you, caring, loving, and coddling you that you forget what it feels like not having that. So when the person settles in and knows you're in it for the long haul, they got you... time to grow the beer bellies, hair cuts once a MONTH, showers every other day, BUM status way of life. Why? Cause you love them they love you and their worst has become their best and vice versa. I mean, even with the “Archie Bunker” in our lives does the emotional support have to become a bum, also?
Earlier I read this and immediately related it to this article.
“Relationships might last longer if people continued doing the things they did to get the person in the first place”.
If ever there was a dollar for EVERY time I thought of this in recent years. So what's lacking? What leaves or gets pushed aside? I'll list them for ya...
Lack of:
GOD - His Word allows ANYONE to become better individuals for themselves and others around them.
Communication - Without it you're stuck like Chuck. If you can't keep a line of communication between you and the person you're with, I don't see your relationship lasting all too long.
Understanding - If you  don't have any... find some and fast.
Trust/Loyalty - "Not having trust in a relationship is like a phone with no service. All you can do is play GAMES"
Compromise - Don't meet someone halfway? Then you'll be looking at negative yards on the field, buddy.
Willingness to change flaws - Goes hand in hand with the one above. Change to better yourself and make life more enjoyable to those in your life.
Breathing room - STOP SMOTHERING.

What is in excess?

Jealousy - Everyone is jealous with the ones they like/love. But too much is ANNOYING. Knock it off.
Assumptions - Someone did you wrong before so now you assume everyone else is the same. STOP IT.
FALSE ADVERTISING (pretending to be something you're not just to bait them and hook em, then do a complete 180 once you're comfortable showing your true colors)
Face it, if things aren't mend-able or if either of BOTH parties aren't willing to cooperate, then perhaps it's time to “tap out” of the relationship. Check out mentally, emotionally, physically (if you haven't already done so) and do some soul searching. We're all imperfect and we ALL have ugly traits that can use a figurative face-lift. So before entering another relationship, fix yourself first, THEN can you go tell the next person what THEY need to improve on to make you happy.

With that said, I ask you... is it worth staying with someone that you love yet makes you miserable? Or should you learn to let go for the benefit of your sanity and future lives to be emotionally stable individuals?


Food for thought.

Interracial dating... what of it?

What really distinguishes a beautiful couple from the next? When both skin hues are the same? What makes that couple more successful in love than the other one? That they're both from one specific race?
The racial concept of segregating wasn't just for bathrooms and schools. Nor was it for buses and water fountains. As a matter of fact, in the late 17^th century, the anti-miscegenation law was established to ensure that Whites and non-Whites (mostly just Blacks but amongst others were Asians and Native Americans) never mix.

A direct violation of the 14^th amendment and completely unconstitutional, right?

Well, 13 colonies thought otherwise. And although after WWII many tried to abolish these laws, it took time and a lot of states kept their racial partiality. We all know, even now a days the KKK and good ol' southern confederate flag owners are spawns of such.

I love the word miscegenation. The literal translation from Greek means to “mix races”. And you want to know what's funny? NOBODY walking this earth is a thorough-breed. Want to know why? Because at one point in time, every single person walking this earth had ancestors that settled ELSEWHERE in the world. And once that happened, there were races mixing from all kinds of countries. Whether it be Spaniards with those in the Middle East, England, Africa, etc. Or the English with Spaniards, Africans, and Native Americans. And vice versa.

Even more entertaining, are the ones whom CLEARLY are racially mixed themselves and still frown upon interracial marriages/relationships. I mean, there are BLACK Dominicans that swear they're as White as the paper you and I write on whom act as if they have not an ounce of African blood in them. Same goes for 80% of the Latin Caribbean countries. But the racial loathing doesn't stop there. The West Indies has their racism as well as Haiti. All of them being countries that were colonized by the Spaniards or English, yes... but also those same colonists although professing to hate a specific color, had relations with African slaves and gave birth to guess what ladies and gentlemen? What's known now to be “mixed” or “mulatto” came to exist. And you know what I can say about that? It was the BEST thing that ever happened. Because some of the most gorgeous people are the ones that are 100% biracial. (Not that a specific race doesn't have their good looking individuals, I'm just sayin').

Does that mean that there's something wrong with one dating their race or skin type? Absolutely not. You can date/marry whomever you want. The issue isn't that. The issue is when one person looks down or places someone on a lower esteem just because of the color of skin that persons significant other has. Since when has society come so far in the advancement of medicine, technology, engineering... yet so quick to set ourselves back to the 1900s of racial segregation and disdain?

We live in a society where Black women get mad at Whites or Latinas for “stealing THEIR men” (because apparently people still own slaves themselves?) Or Whites and Latins getting upset over another race “taking THEIR women”. Really?!

Let me enlighten you... The color of skin which you, you and I all have is ONLY skin deep. There is absolutely NO medical difference in the average White person that there is in the average Black/Hispanic/Native American/Middle Eastern person. We all have 206 bones, we all breathe oxygen, none of us are invincible, and we all bleed red.

But even if that doesn't help you out I'll explain a few hypothetical scenarios.

One White woman. 2 men.
One of which is also White, has a poor paying job, lacks motivation in life, and loses his temper often.
The other man: non-White, entrepreneur with a self-owned business, driven, outs God first in life, and embraces the fruitage of the spirit quite well.

Which one is a better match?

Blatantly, any person with some common sense would agree that the second man portrayed in the scenario would be the best match for the woman. A providing man, clearly mature enough to own a business, is spiritual and hard working.

Unfortunately, most people will stop at “non-white” and not go a step further. So, forget if the White guy beats his wife, or the Latin girl can't hold a job and stays in debt, or the Black guy doesn't provide for himself and his family. In all races there are those that don't do anything for themselves and there are those that overachieve. Unanimously, though, in all of them there is still racism. And God forbid you ever try to leave the ancient comfort zone of what's “right” to look for something better suited for you.

Many of you reading this, don't even consider yourselves racist. But then again, a lot of times you never hear half the ignorant stuff you say subconsciously without even noticing it's a direct jab at a specific race. No matter how many friends of said race you have. If you're married to someone of said race, etc. I Don't CARE. A racial slur is a racial slur. Even by playing around you're fueling the already wildfire-like situation.

All in all, society needs to back up off the interracial dating situation. This world has far too many other LARGER issues than to worry about different skin hues holding hands. Chances are, they only hate cause their relationships aren't as successful.


Oh well.

Authentic Relationships

What makes them? What constitutes a “real” or “authentic” relationship? What's needed in order to make or have one?
You know, it happens to all of us. We begin a friendship with someone, try developing a more intricate relationship and sooner than later it all falls apart. But, why?
There are 3 major necessities that need to be fulfilled and WORKED AT everyday when building a successful relationship that MOST of the time the average individual barely focuses on, hence the failure after failure effect. These three are: Communication. Trust. Understanding.
Look, if you fail to have any of these things as a starting foundation your relationship WILL, without questions or doubts, fail. It's the way things work in life.
If you don't communicate, you're never going to be on the same page. Not mentally and not emotionally. If you don't communicate your thoughts you can't possibly know what the other person wants or feels. These are NECESSARY inputs when caring for a relationship. Whether its a new or old relationship, fact is, it's still a relationship.
If you don't communicate then, there's lack of trust because you have yet to open up about anything. When you trust another individual you have the confidence to tell them anything. Now, having trust doesn't mean you EXPECT to be trusted but that YOU trust the other person. Touchy subject because, trust is earned. But when you see it fit to develop and work on a relationship, chances are there's already a certain level of trust there. With lack of such, a livable relationship is practically non-existent.
If there's no trust and no communication, then, there is no mutual understanding. You don't get them and they don't get you cause, well... let's put this candidly, there's NOTHING TO GET. When you understand someone, you can sense the underlying motives without having to actually see it or without jumping to conclusions. You can look beyond the superficial and relate to the reality of it all.
With that said, let us look at things that help build the foundation to the relationships we're trying to achieve, shall we?
Creating a relationship with others (be it romantic or not) starts with ourselves. A good relationship with our inner being and then, from that, extending it to others. Staying true to oneself and always committing to ones self-promises or goals shows the ability to commit to others. Psychologically, when we can make the effort to have a healthy relationship with our conscious and ourselves day to day we have a better chance at successful relationships with other individuals. Creating an authentic relationship with ourselves also proves to be a great foundation for an overall happier lifestyle.
When we approach others, or even when dealing with ourselves, what are our intentions? Are they positive? Or are they mechanical. Are our intentions on some kind of “cruise control” to which we don't really know the underlying cause of befriending others or starting relationships. Evaluating our intentions and purpose as to why we do things in regards to interpersonal relationships with those whom we surround ourselves with is important.
When you allow yourself positive intent in regards to a relationship keep in mind that once those two are accomplished the most important factor is YOUR decision to stay. This is the work that seldom is put into the equation. Once people establish a “relationship” their intentions are lingering but your thoughts are scattered. There is no real focus or plan of action. When staying in a relationship, there are still TWO individuals. Two points of view. Two DIFFERENT lives. Staying in a relationship means your focus is not only to make things work for them but to keep DOING YOU.
Also, when you're in a relationship, things must be allowed. When we are creating a sound relationship with ourselves, be honest with YOU. Likewise, we need to not only allow honesty from us to others, but allow the truth to be spoken freely from others to us. Openness is very important when it comes to a healthy and successful relationship and confrontation goes only as far as you want it to. Thus, allowing honesty in a relationship is only healthy if you're willing to a) see it as valuable and as truthful as the person relaying it to you and b) allowing truth to be freely spoken. Either one does not mean you're giving in to the other persons view but simply acknowledging the reasoning behind it. From there, you take the pros/cons and act upon a situation accordingly.
Another factor is ones set of values. Values come into play when creating the appropriate foundation for a relationship. They are the way we structure our life and how it is directed. Not everyone hold the same standards, morals, and/or values in their life so if you're trying to be in the relationship for the long haul, I suggest you reassess the whole thing and be honest with yourself as well as the other person about it. Truth is, a persons belief plays a role in their life like no other. When two people believe in different things, it causes an unnecessary strain that doesn't HAVE to be there. There are a few exceptions, yes. But for the most part it's un-leveled.
To wrap this up I want to make a few things clear. There is a difference in a relationship between infatuation, in-like, and in-love. If you're doing it right, it's in THAT SPECIFIC ORDER. Let's be honest, people. Nobody looks at an ugly individual and thinks “hmm I wonder how amazing their personality is”. Doesn't work that way because as imperfect humans, our motivation is through what our eyes perceive and for the most part (as shallow as this may seem) we tend to look at those dapper ones. BUT, 75.87% of the so-called “good looking” ones are either stupid, extremely superficial, d-bags, aren't going anywhere in life (aka not driven), immature, and/or have the IQ of a lima bean (stupid). CHOOSE WISELY. And when you choose, make it count. The whole “there are plenty of fish in the sea” crap makes a lot of peoples subconscious believe it's ok to date 'em and drop 'em as they please. I mean, after the age of 16 or so that game should've been put on the shelf and NOT intended for later use. So my point is, GROW UP, be realistic with what you're looking for, when you find it make it work to the best of your abilities, and slow it down... DON'T rush into a relationship.
Everyone can make a few changes so with that being said I leave you with my favorite attachment to anything in life... a quote.

“There is no health, no growth, and no
aliveness from a place where change is not an option.”

Humility

Sometimes it is forced upon us in a moment of distress in life

At times it's a gift to us from the moment we are blessed with life

Through all the stresses and strife do we find ourselves humbled?

Or have we succumb to pride and even to lower our heads we've crumbled -

Without Humility.

Even the word itself bears great power, deep emotion, and wonderful responsibility

Within the vicinity of modesty don't cower because with that, shame responds infinitely

There's no respect in those that can't own up to their own faults

You have to learn to claim your wins when a win but take your loss as a loss

With Humility...

Is it so difficult the transition? A moment gone wrong to us accepting our mistakes?

How easy it all becomes opaque and the meaning behind it all we so quickly forsake

Accept that glory is only for an instance and things fade far past our “once was” ambition

Keep in mind, nothing is more beautiful than the greatest at heart living humility right to the definition

Family Bond

In the realms of family there are those so far and so distant

If blood is to be a bond then truthfully we're only half existent

Not so much as a shadow of you remains in my memory banks

I can only draw blanks when I attempt to reminisce our lives if ever together

What we had was nothing - never - turns into thoughts of what we could've had

If we didn't share a dad you and I would simply be strangers

This lost love has endangered the bond of family we can't seem to achieve

So many years have came and went and every day is still hard to believe

That you can't perceive the meaning within a family bond

Is it cause we're not strong enough individuals in this dealing?

Or is it cause we weren't born from the same womb so there's no residual feelings...

I try to be the better of my being and yet we're two magnets of the opposite kind

We can't seem to see each other in a similar light because our hearts are so blind

I simply find myself trying to be the best half I could be

You won't allow me to be a part of your life, completed

Now your children are in the canvas too and to them I'm just a name depleted -

Of it's standings. I know it seems I'm rambling but I just had to share what my mind was on

I hate that we're half siblings and all I aspire to have with you is a better family bond

Loss of Love

Frustrations are temptations held back and true to this

We loved too deep for too long so the fact of the matter is

You promised many things in the latter of tomorrow and a distant time

It was all so sublime - until now

Cause it seems like what was once in your mind somehow is gone

To think I was so fond of you

And intertwined was us embellished with trust

It was more than just lust but somehow this love lost it's pleasant touch

Sweet nothings mean everything when you're blind to reality

There is no normality between to beings that carry this bond

Lies are missed and twisted dreams of selfish inflictions wrap around my wrists

I never thought that this, this was the end of our I love you more's but it seems as though -

It is. I never meant for things to end like this but I feel you can't fulfill my bliss

I just sit and miss the honesty of your eyes

Your good byes are colder than the winter wind and I feel as if the ice has thinned-

between us two. Should I fall through, your reaction, is it to catch me when I do?

After all, when true love exists there shouldn't be a descent between us two

I would have spent forever finding new ways to keep you for another day

Quiet are your words, because against the truth you have no defense and nothing to say

To my dismay you hold no regrets for untruth and in silence you remain

One day, unknown still, I'll bet that the ability to love again I will regain...

Loving Looks

I wish you could see me and not fall in love with my brown eyes

Try to focus on my words instead of my lips moving when I say “hi”

Uninterrupted attention of true worth

Seeing as though you were attracted to my looks first

I know you're a man in search of a good find

Soft skin a nice smile mixed in with a nice backside

Hey the truth is the truth there's nothing to hide

But you can't marry looks with no thoughts in mind

Men are hunters in this game us women are prey

When your heart's not in it it's nothin but play

Women get caught up too thinking these men are fools

They know more than you think so quit playing it cool

You see, maturity is only evident when you allow yourself to learn

There's a reason the other ones failed; so accept, meditate, & discern.

However, once you find the one for you, make sure you never fail

Love is imperfect and struggle-filled, nowhere near a fairy tale.

Keep a positive mind, read their soul, and study love like a book

Truly there's nothing worse when you're caught up in "love" but only loving looks